RANDOM UPDATE:
I came to this epiphany at work: I may be the only smart person in the world. I know. It's shocking when you think about it. But I really flirt with the line where I may begin to believe it when the Imperial Mall decides to have Sidewalk Sales at this time of the year. 1. Hastings College and Central Community College both just went into Fall Break. There are NO students here. 2. Hastings High's homecoming was this evening. 3. There was little advertising for the event.
So as I sat there in our DEAD store, I couldn't help but think to myself, "If you were worried about your mall being closed down due to competition, wouldn't you do whatever it took to ensure they'd get more business?" *head shake*
I did end up visiting my parents' house tonight and had like a 3-minute long conversation with Kelsey. We were supposed to hang out, but that didn't exactly work out. Turns out she wanted to watch some dorky show on TV and then threw a fit when I didn't tell her what I wanted to do. So, Dad and I watched Bill Maher (spelling? Man... I suck at that these days) and had some banter on why on earth Ben Affleck was there. Senator Affleck. Yick. Was I the ONLY one on this planet that watched Gigli? It still gives me nightmares.
I don't remember at which point in the argument my Dad presented this conclusion, but I do know he did. "Whitney, you know those people who are religious don't cuss. You're going to have a tough time being a religion person." I just shifted on the couch and stared at him long and hard for a moment, then said: "Dad, since when has anyone ever been able to give a definition for something so abstract? It's like my saying that Dolly here can't be a member of this family because she's a dog." Dolly, our family's golden retriever, must have sensed the tenseness in the conversation, because that was when she chose to swallow the button off my sweater. How she did it, I will never know.
After that, I ran upstairs to find my brother almost in tears at the kitchen table. He was scared Dad was going to yell at him because he broke his glasses--again. I spent a good twenty minutes trying to put those darn things back together again, but I'm pretty sure a magic wand is required for a task such as that one. Dad ended up yelling a bit, but like I told my bro, I can totally yell louder and know more words. Kids = 1, Parents = 0.
Justin and Ashton have a parade tomorrow that Kels and I are going to go watch (I lured her out of bed to come goodwill shopping with me at 10 a.m. with the promise of coffee... tee hee hee). Dad told me that I had to ride the bus as a chaperone, which I maturely responded by telling him where he could stick the idea. He then said that if he and Mom would die this evening, I would have to ride the bus as I would be the legal guardian of the three other kids. I somehow doubted we'd be going to the parade if they'd both die...
I need to get younger friends. Everyone is 21 and going to the bars. Grr. Yes, I'm on a bit of a rant because Sami and Lou are going out tomorrow night and I don't get to come. Not that being 21 would be great for me right now, because it wouldn't. I'm already trying to work up enough strength to say no next weekend at the Halloween party. I have to consciously think about it or I'll fail in the attempt. This is a sad, sad existence that I lead. I don't even like the taste of alcohol! It makes me sick!
In other news, I saw my adopted neice at maurices tonight. She helped me pick out her mother some clothes for a wedding. I absolutely love that little girl. She's SO cute. Plus, the fact that she calls me "Aunt Whitney" all the time totally breaks my heart. Too bad her uncle is such a freakin' moron. Okay, he's really not a moron, just not the sort of material I think that God wants my husband to be made out of. He demonstrated that continually by showing absolutely no relationship with God, demanding that things be taken farther than I wanted, AND lying to me continually. How do I get myself into those situations? It should have been a pretty big red flag when I felt like I couldn't discuss anything with him because he wouldn't be able to keep up. How are you was quite extensive in those conversations...
... I'm bitter today about that because I'm pretty sure he's the one that has been calling me lately with the "No Caller ID" tag. It's creepy, I tell you! I had two calls last week, one on Tuesday, and then yesterday two. I'm all about answering my phone, but the calls happen to come in when I'm in class or at work.
I saw Clayton the other day in the library and was reminded how much I miss our classmates and high school. We had a freaking blast back then. There's nothing like being a Senior at K-Town High. Where else would I have been able to play "Hide 'n Go Seek" in the dark room when we were supposed to be developing pictures for the yearbook? Or when John and I would play "Promdate Basketball" where who I would go to prom with depended on how well he could make a basket at the three-point line (I'm still bitter about Mr. Eberle, our principal, helping Johnny out on that one. TRAITOR!)? Or my hanging out in the art class with the boys when I wasn't even in Art? Chelsie and I hanging out with the guys on their football game nights because we were the coolest chicks they knew? (Well... at least I was nice. She kinda yelled sometimes!) Or all of us girls getting totally pimped out for the guys' games and leading the entire crowd in cheers? All of us vegging in Senior Hall with our counselor waiting for the lunch period to end? Figuring out ways to top one another in Mom comments? Getting to school at 7 a.m. for Band and leaving at 9 p.m. because of play? And not regretting a moment of it? Or actually acting on stage with Clayton and knowing that neither of us were serious enough to do anything but comedy? Cruising around in Laura's trunk because it was a new way to ride around in Kenesaw? And none of that even touches our parties. Wow.
I miss the people, not so much the age. The age I could do without. But those people... they'll be in my heart forever. I've seriously been counting down for our five-year reunion since like two seconds after graduation. I look at my high school experience and I look at college now and realize that there will never be another time in my life when I have 23 close friends who all plot to take over the school with me. Okay... so that's not entirely accurate. Ignite and PHIVE-O provide a pretty strong base for my life to be like that. But even so.
Speaking of PHIVE-O, I was brought to tears on Wednesday when I realized how many PHIVE-O members came to support me. They all are so amazing and I hadn't realized how much I missed them. I was so consumed with ROC and Ignite that I forgot about the people who got me where I'm at today. I LOVE PHIVE-O. LOVE THEM. They all are so incredible...
...moving on before I bawl. I'm attempting to work more through Laura's and my separation process, but it's rough. I still get to be the person who lays with her in bed and talks about life, but I don't feel like we're nearly as close as we used to be. In fact, I'm sure of it. And as I was thinking about that, a realization hit me: I used to be so obsessed with certain people being close to me... but now... there's not really anyone like that. I mean, Sami and I are still really good friends, but she's not nearly aware of everything that's going on in my life as she could be (she thought Matt and I were still dating last week. Ew.). Laura and I see each other for maybe like ten minutes in the morning or evening and that's pretty much it. She's always over at Julie's house... Kelsey and I are still finetuning what it means to be friends and sisters. Sometimes she drives me absolutely up the wall and other times she's the coolest person I know. I think that has to do with our relationship (sisterly), our age, and our different maturity levels. We'll get through it...eventually. John and I just don't really connect anymore at all. He called me awhile ago to come fix his computer, but I just really don't have the time to do that... I love the kid to death, but he drinks a huge amount a lot of the time and I can't be in an environment like that right now. Clayton's the same way on the drinking thing... that and his girlfriend freaking hates me. I'm sorry I was your boyfriend's best friend in high school. Trust me. There's no lusting going on there. The kid is one of the biggest oafs I know (LOL). Rachel and my relationship dissolved completely the summer after our senior year. She calls me now when she wants to talk with Laura. Hilary and I barely speak anymore, mostly because I absolutely disagree with her situation regarding the stupid boy.
And then there's these new people moving in on my life. Melissa and I have the familial bond and are becoming fast friends. I absolutely adore her. Marcia is definitely my adopted little sister and amuses me greatly with her self-focusing innocense. Lindsey is definitely one of the best things that happened to me in Atlanta. I'm just sad we couldn't have started building our friendship before now! I'm beginning to adore all of the Ignite people... CMs... PHIVE-O... And then there's Tim, which I have no idea what's going on there. Some days I can confidently say we're great friends and the next I have doubts that he even wants to be my friend.
Anyway... I feel like I have ALL of these people around me, which is true, but no one that I can truly be all in depth with. I can share blurps in my life with everyone, but not my entire life... if that makes sense. And then there's a good amount that there's no sharing of my life at all... there's more my lending my life experience for their use than anything else. What I've come to realize is through all of these people, certain parts of my needs become satisfied. Laura has been hardcore about keeping my in line with my vow to fast from alcohol for a year. Kelsey and I deal with our family issues together. Melissa jumps on the bandwagon for that one. Tim and I are trying to figure out a bunch of things, I think, like what we believe and what leaders are...and how much we suck at being them. The maurices girls are the people I just go and escape with for awhile. For a few hours a day, my life is all about clothes. Except maybe not so much anymore that we've been slow and I've taken on a few counseling sessions... it turns out that I sense more about people than I realize. I have to start speaking out loud before my conclusions form fully, I think. Trace is helping to shape me into a great pastor by continually challenging me with hard questions... and Dan is giving me knowledge to answer those questions. Marcia continually amazes me with her bravery and non-hesitation to jump headfirst into things. Lindsey stuns me with her deep wisdom on life.
Ann Lamott spoke of cutting the connections down. Of focusing on self by only focusing on a certain few number of people. But who do I choose? And are they willing to provide that for me? I'm definitely the stone skipping across the water right now... and I'm getting tired of bouncing!
That's my cue to go to sleep. I have to clean in the morning prior to my coffee run.
I came to this epiphany at work: I may be the only smart person in the world. I know. It's shocking when you think about it. But I really flirt with the line where I may begin to believe it when the Imperial Mall decides to have Sidewalk Sales at this time of the year. 1. Hastings College and Central Community College both just went into Fall Break. There are NO students here. 2. Hastings High's homecoming was this evening. 3. There was little advertising for the event.
So as I sat there in our DEAD store, I couldn't help but think to myself, "If you were worried about your mall being closed down due to competition, wouldn't you do whatever it took to ensure they'd get more business?" *head shake*
I did end up visiting my parents' house tonight and had like a 3-minute long conversation with Kelsey. We were supposed to hang out, but that didn't exactly work out. Turns out she wanted to watch some dorky show on TV and then threw a fit when I didn't tell her what I wanted to do. So, Dad and I watched Bill Maher (spelling? Man... I suck at that these days) and had some banter on why on earth Ben Affleck was there. Senator Affleck. Yick. Was I the ONLY one on this planet that watched Gigli? It still gives me nightmares.
I don't remember at which point in the argument my Dad presented this conclusion, but I do know he did. "Whitney, you know those people who are religious don't cuss. You're going to have a tough time being a religion person." I just shifted on the couch and stared at him long and hard for a moment, then said: "Dad, since when has anyone ever been able to give a definition for something so abstract? It's like my saying that Dolly here can't be a member of this family because she's a dog." Dolly, our family's golden retriever, must have sensed the tenseness in the conversation, because that was when she chose to swallow the button off my sweater. How she did it, I will never know.
After that, I ran upstairs to find my brother almost in tears at the kitchen table. He was scared Dad was going to yell at him because he broke his glasses--again. I spent a good twenty minutes trying to put those darn things back together again, but I'm pretty sure a magic wand is required for a task such as that one. Dad ended up yelling a bit, but like I told my bro, I can totally yell louder and know more words. Kids = 1, Parents = 0.
Justin and Ashton have a parade tomorrow that Kels and I are going to go watch (I lured her out of bed to come goodwill shopping with me at 10 a.m. with the promise of coffee... tee hee hee). Dad told me that I had to ride the bus as a chaperone, which I maturely responded by telling him where he could stick the idea. He then said that if he and Mom would die this evening, I would have to ride the bus as I would be the legal guardian of the three other kids. I somehow doubted we'd be going to the parade if they'd both die...
I need to get younger friends. Everyone is 21 and going to the bars. Grr. Yes, I'm on a bit of a rant because Sami and Lou are going out tomorrow night and I don't get to come. Not that being 21 would be great for me right now, because it wouldn't. I'm already trying to work up enough strength to say no next weekend at the Halloween party. I have to consciously think about it or I'll fail in the attempt. This is a sad, sad existence that I lead. I don't even like the taste of alcohol! It makes me sick!
In other news, I saw my adopted neice at maurices tonight. She helped me pick out her mother some clothes for a wedding. I absolutely love that little girl. She's SO cute. Plus, the fact that she calls me "Aunt Whitney" all the time totally breaks my heart. Too bad her uncle is such a freakin' moron. Okay, he's really not a moron, just not the sort of material I think that God wants my husband to be made out of. He demonstrated that continually by showing absolutely no relationship with God, demanding that things be taken farther than I wanted, AND lying to me continually. How do I get myself into those situations? It should have been a pretty big red flag when I felt like I couldn't discuss anything with him because he wouldn't be able to keep up. How are you was quite extensive in those conversations...
... I'm bitter today about that because I'm pretty sure he's the one that has been calling me lately with the "No Caller ID" tag. It's creepy, I tell you! I had two calls last week, one on Tuesday, and then yesterday two. I'm all about answering my phone, but the calls happen to come in when I'm in class or at work.
I saw Clayton the other day in the library and was reminded how much I miss our classmates and high school. We had a freaking blast back then. There's nothing like being a Senior at K-Town High. Where else would I have been able to play "Hide 'n Go Seek" in the dark room when we were supposed to be developing pictures for the yearbook? Or when John and I would play "Promdate Basketball" where who I would go to prom with depended on how well he could make a basket at the three-point line (I'm still bitter about Mr. Eberle, our principal, helping Johnny out on that one. TRAITOR!)? Or my hanging out in the art class with the boys when I wasn't even in Art? Chelsie and I hanging out with the guys on their football game nights because we were the coolest chicks they knew? (Well... at least I was nice. She kinda yelled sometimes!) Or all of us girls getting totally pimped out for the guys' games and leading the entire crowd in cheers? All of us vegging in Senior Hall with our counselor waiting for the lunch period to end? Figuring out ways to top one another in Mom comments? Getting to school at 7 a.m. for Band and leaving at 9 p.m. because of play? And not regretting a moment of it? Or actually acting on stage with Clayton and knowing that neither of us were serious enough to do anything but comedy? Cruising around in Laura's trunk because it was a new way to ride around in Kenesaw? And none of that even touches our parties. Wow.
I miss the people, not so much the age. The age I could do without. But those people... they'll be in my heart forever. I've seriously been counting down for our five-year reunion since like two seconds after graduation. I look at my high school experience and I look at college now and realize that there will never be another time in my life when I have 23 close friends who all plot to take over the school with me. Okay... so that's not entirely accurate. Ignite and PHIVE-O provide a pretty strong base for my life to be like that. But even so.
Speaking of PHIVE-O, I was brought to tears on Wednesday when I realized how many PHIVE-O members came to support me. They all are so amazing and I hadn't realized how much I missed them. I was so consumed with ROC and Ignite that I forgot about the people who got me where I'm at today. I LOVE PHIVE-O. LOVE THEM. They all are so incredible...
...moving on before I bawl. I'm attempting to work more through Laura's and my separation process, but it's rough. I still get to be the person who lays with her in bed and talks about life, but I don't feel like we're nearly as close as we used to be. In fact, I'm sure of it. And as I was thinking about that, a realization hit me: I used to be so obsessed with certain people being close to me... but now... there's not really anyone like that. I mean, Sami and I are still really good friends, but she's not nearly aware of everything that's going on in my life as she could be (she thought Matt and I were still dating last week. Ew.). Laura and I see each other for maybe like ten minutes in the morning or evening and that's pretty much it. She's always over at Julie's house... Kelsey and I are still finetuning what it means to be friends and sisters. Sometimes she drives me absolutely up the wall and other times she's the coolest person I know. I think that has to do with our relationship (sisterly), our age, and our different maturity levels. We'll get through it...eventually. John and I just don't really connect anymore at all. He called me awhile ago to come fix his computer, but I just really don't have the time to do that... I love the kid to death, but he drinks a huge amount a lot of the time and I can't be in an environment like that right now. Clayton's the same way on the drinking thing... that and his girlfriend freaking hates me. I'm sorry I was your boyfriend's best friend in high school. Trust me. There's no lusting going on there. The kid is one of the biggest oafs I know (LOL). Rachel and my relationship dissolved completely the summer after our senior year. She calls me now when she wants to talk with Laura. Hilary and I barely speak anymore, mostly because I absolutely disagree with her situation regarding the stupid boy.
And then there's these new people moving in on my life. Melissa and I have the familial bond and are becoming fast friends. I absolutely adore her. Marcia is definitely my adopted little sister and amuses me greatly with her self-focusing innocense. Lindsey is definitely one of the best things that happened to me in Atlanta. I'm just sad we couldn't have started building our friendship before now! I'm beginning to adore all of the Ignite people... CMs... PHIVE-O... And then there's Tim, which I have no idea what's going on there. Some days I can confidently say we're great friends and the next I have doubts that he even wants to be my friend.
Anyway... I feel like I have ALL of these people around me, which is true, but no one that I can truly be all in depth with. I can share blurps in my life with everyone, but not my entire life... if that makes sense. And then there's a good amount that there's no sharing of my life at all... there's more my lending my life experience for their use than anything else. What I've come to realize is through all of these people, certain parts of my needs become satisfied. Laura has been hardcore about keeping my in line with my vow to fast from alcohol for a year. Kelsey and I deal with our family issues together. Melissa jumps on the bandwagon for that one. Tim and I are trying to figure out a bunch of things, I think, like what we believe and what leaders are...and how much we suck at being them. The maurices girls are the people I just go and escape with for awhile. For a few hours a day, my life is all about clothes. Except maybe not so much anymore that we've been slow and I've taken on a few counseling sessions... it turns out that I sense more about people than I realize. I have to start speaking out loud before my conclusions form fully, I think. Trace is helping to shape me into a great pastor by continually challenging me with hard questions... and Dan is giving me knowledge to answer those questions. Marcia continually amazes me with her bravery and non-hesitation to jump headfirst into things. Lindsey stuns me with her deep wisdom on life.
Ann Lamott spoke of cutting the connections down. Of focusing on self by only focusing on a certain few number of people. But who do I choose? And are they willing to provide that for me? I'm definitely the stone skipping across the water right now... and I'm getting tired of bouncing!
That's my cue to go to sleep. I have to clean in the morning prior to my coffee run.
posted by Whit at 10:33 PM
1 Comments:
what deep wisdome??? i could use some deep wisdom!! Oh girl you amaze me and after reading farther into your blog i'm so excited for coffee even more. You have no idea how awsome you are and how much your heart is growing. Keep on truckin b/c great things will come today! Much LOVE
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