I feel numb, though I don't know to what. I don't know if it's just my being stressed out or if there's more to the story than I'm letting myself recognize.

Yesterday was my first day at St. Paul's. It also happened to be the first day I took communion outside of an LCMS church. I knew it was going to be hard, but I hadn't anticipated the sobbing that was going to go with it. I just felt sad and like I was abandoning something.

The LCMS church believes that communion is a sacred agreement with your fellow believers that you all think the same thing. We weren't allowed to participate in our first sacrament until confirmation our eight grade year. Only fellow LCMS members are allowed to do it with us.

St. Paul's is different. ELCA members can do communion as young as 3-4 grade. Anyone who is a baptized believer can participate in it.

I understand that communion is an invitation for us to commune at the table of Jesus. That he is inviting us into a community and to interact within that community. But I was scared of finally leaving the old tradition and moving past it. I think I was a bit terrified of finally saying hello to my old life. I don't know... I just knew I was sad. Very sad.

There's a lot of stuff flying through my head right now and I don't feel expressive... I don't know if I want to talk about it. I just feel sad and wrong right now. Between Ignite, moving churches, thinking randomly, family, I'm just exhausted. And it's not looking to get any better.