It's funny how God works sometimes. One minute I think that I've completely given up on him and in that moment, I'm reminded of him. It's peculiar in the ways I'm reminded, but it's done nevertheless. I've been struggling lately. Struggling with my faith, with my parents, with happiness. I've spent so long fighting against God's pull that now that I'm beginning to realize there is one, I'm being caught up in its current. And sometimes the current takes me places I really don't want to go. My latest worry is that I'm being called to something that's impossible for me to do. God wants me to follow him faithfully and loyally for the rest of my life! Not that that alone is so daunting, but having to be someone that shepherds others in the meantime?
In all honesty, I'm scared to deal of what this call may or may not mean for me. I'm scared--nah, terrified--that I'm going to walk down this road and not only end up alone, but wind up looking like a fool. And yet, God keeps throwing these signs at me. He keeps nudging me as if to say "Finally! You get it! Now follow my will!" Well, God, I'm thrilled that you have a plan for me. But WHY did it have to take this long for me to discover?!
Anyway. Back to the signs. So, the other day, I'm passing medications around the nursing home because well, I'm a Medication Aide and that's my job. All of a sudden, it all stops. All of the stress, all of the negative parts of my day melted away and I was caught up in the moment. The dorkiest part of it was the fact that it was over the med "Theophilline." Yes. This particular med is taken for COPD. Nothing extraordinary. But do you know what captured my thoughts for those precious moments? The fact that Theophilline was a lot like Theophilus. Theophilus was the person whom the writer of Luke-Acts addressed his letters. Theophilus. Lover of God.
The other moment that caught me was in a reprieve from an overly chaotic day on the glorious 400 wing. Run, run, run, then Bam! Some silence. I was waiting for break when I walked up to one of the residents and began talking to pass the time. Wouldn't you know she had devised a clever plot to lure squirrels by spilling all of her popcorn outside her window. When I came upon her, she was waiting patiently for her little friends to arrive. So, I sat with her and waited. And sure enough, one of the furry little creatures came and gave us a show. Those precious five minutes of silence watching the little animal eat were some of the most peaceful and relaxing I've had in a long time. It reminded me that I sometimes just need to stop and let go.
Now I just need to seek out the peace that passes all understanding...
In all honesty, I'm scared to deal of what this call may or may not mean for me. I'm scared--nah, terrified--that I'm going to walk down this road and not only end up alone, but wind up looking like a fool. And yet, God keeps throwing these signs at me. He keeps nudging me as if to say "Finally! You get it! Now follow my will!" Well, God, I'm thrilled that you have a plan for me. But WHY did it have to take this long for me to discover?!
Anyway. Back to the signs. So, the other day, I'm passing medications around the nursing home because well, I'm a Medication Aide and that's my job. All of a sudden, it all stops. All of the stress, all of the negative parts of my day melted away and I was caught up in the moment. The dorkiest part of it was the fact that it was over the med "Theophilline." Yes. This particular med is taken for COPD. Nothing extraordinary. But do you know what captured my thoughts for those precious moments? The fact that Theophilline was a lot like Theophilus. Theophilus was the person whom the writer of Luke-Acts addressed his letters. Theophilus. Lover of God.
The other moment that caught me was in a reprieve from an overly chaotic day on the glorious 400 wing. Run, run, run, then Bam! Some silence. I was waiting for break when I walked up to one of the residents and began talking to pass the time. Wouldn't you know she had devised a clever plot to lure squirrels by spilling all of her popcorn outside her window. When I came upon her, she was waiting patiently for her little friends to arrive. So, I sat with her and waited. And sure enough, one of the furry little creatures came and gave us a show. Those precious five minutes of silence watching the little animal eat were some of the most peaceful and relaxing I've had in a long time. It reminded me that I sometimes just need to stop and let go.
Now I just need to seek out the peace that passes all understanding...
posted by Whit at 7:20 PM
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