I should be studying... or cleaning my house. But now that I'm committed to staying up the entire night to do chores and the like? I'm totally able to procastinate! Ahhh... the beauty of life!

So, one thing that has for some unknown reason struck me today was the death of Steve Irwin. It's plaguing my thoughts and infiltrating my soul. I didn't even know the guy! Sure, I knew of him, but I'm not exactly an animal-obsessed person. I like dogs and Steve Irwin definitely didn't explore dogdom. But still! I'll contemplate this for a little bit while I deconstruct a song I'm OBSESSED with right now.

Krystal's "My Religion"

There's nothing wrong
With tradition
I'm a traditionalist at heart. I know it. As much as I respect contemporary church services and the like, I can't help but feel extremely awkward clapping for Jesus. I grew up quiet and content with the hymns. Then again... I was also the one wearing the flowers during bible school and jumping up and down for the kids... so maybe I've got a little of both running in my blood. But I still love hymns! Tradition in that sense, that's okay. Tradition in the sense of the things I'm working on breaking from my old church? That's where things get murky. Just because tradition holds that women can't be pastors, should we adhere to it now? Should we adhere to the tradition that homosexuals are bad people? Avoid people who are HIV Positive? Marry only other Lutherans? At one time, that was my life, part of my belief system. And now... I feel blessed to have moved past that. It's time for NEW traditions!
But tell me where it says
Not to follow our hearts
I worked on not following my heart pretty intensely-like for four years. It ended up rather destructive with my turning to alcohol to wash away all the of "sinful" thoughts and feelings I was having. It was easier to destroy my soul than to deal with it. And now that I've finally fully given into my heart and inevitably God? I've never been happier. It's pretty amazing. Too bad I couldn't figure out what my heart was saying sooner!
That's why so many
Of us are so confused
Confusion is mandatory for growth. As hard as the past few months have been on me... I would absolutely never trade any of it in. It was all about growth as me for a person and if I had to do it again knowing that I'd be able to come out of it knowing more about myself, God, and people? I would do it in a heartbeat. It's a beautiful disaster!
And will never live
Up to your rules
Dear Christ Lutheran: I suck at living under your rules. And, in turn, it sucked out a part of my soul being constrained by them. I love you all, but God's calling me to a different path. Wish it was THAT easy telling them that.

My religion doesn't hate
It'll never turn you away
It always understands
My religion won't condemn
Always lends a healing hand
It's love
My religion's love
This image of my religion, of Christianity... it's beautiful. I can't explain it. God wants us to love, to take care of one another. It's all about us interacting with one another, even on the most basic level. Love.

All it takes is to be willing
To sacrifice for
Someone who is in need
Then we can begin
To heal again
And love will
Sweep the land
I'm working to be more conscious of others' needs right now. Focusing on what I can do to improve the lives of others while living mine fully. It's been amzing so far and I've only just started! Is it always fun only getting four hours of sleep? Well... no. But, if I have to make that sacrifice to make someone's life even a tenth better? I'll do it for the rest of my life!

My religion's love

Okay, so Steve Irwin. I think what's affecting me so much about his death is the fact that it was so instantaneous and unexpected. Irwin was pursuing something he loved and died. And I get the sense that he died without regret. This got me thinking... could I die without regret? I mean, I know there's always going to be something unfinished. Something that I'll always want to do or aspire to be that I haven't quite done yet, but if I died today, could I say it was a life well lived?

In one aspect, yes. I think I could. Now that I've completed the journey thus far, I feel whole again. And if I had died before going on this disaster? I wouldn't have been... me! On the other hand, there's so much I want to do and say before I leave. I want everyone to know and feel how much I love them. To know that I think about them constantly... that I love them so much it hurts. Oh gosh. Nearly brings me to tears. Do I tell people that enough? Do I express it enough? Do I show them enough? I don't think so. And maybe that's why I'm focusing in on Irwin. He's shown me through his death that I need to not take for granted people.

Yodel.